How To Save A Life
by bduefbfsy
Summary: After Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar releases the commercial outing Santana the Latina disappears. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Santana_

Santana walked numbly to her car. How had this happened? One second she was singing happily with the Trouble Tones just another high school girl falling in love. Sure, she was falling in love with a girl. But she was just another face in the crowd, the head bitch of said crowd, but she was just another high school student floating in Lima, Ohio. Now she was about to be outted by a fucking commercial to all of Ohio, and suspended for slapping Finn fucking Hudson. She didn't even want to wait for Quinn to take her home she just walked numbly towards her house. It was quite a walk but she didn't really care. Her limbs moved but she didn't even register, and the constant movement helped keep her from going completely comatose at just how fucked up her life was. Her phone buzzed and she catatonically pulled it out staring at the screen.

_Brittany:_

_Sannie r u ok? Mr. Shue just came back, where r u?_

She stuffed the phone back in her pocket not quite ready to deal with everything just yet. Marshmallow nips could fill them in on what happened, he'll probably do it with a fucking smile on his face. Realizing she was on her block she autopilotted her way in the door and went to her room. Her mom wouldn't get off work until 5 and who knew when she dad would be home. She went to her room and sat on her bed. She knew what she had to do. She needed to come out to her parents. Hell she was practically being forced out of the closets wasn't she now. The tears finally came and she broke out of her catatonic state and broke down into sobs.

_Later…_

Santana had cried herself to sleep but she heard the front door closing now. She heard muffled bickering. It would appear her dad was home after all. Not that she knew why, he spent his time at home either drinking, fighting with her mom, or passing out in front of the television. But she supposed this way she would be able to get it out and tell them both. She dragged her body up and it felt like gravity was pulling her down. She thought for a second to let it. To allow gravity to keep her in bed, and maybe she wouldn't have to tell her parents. The Latina pulled out her phone and saw she had several missed calls from Brittany and Quinn as well as several texts. Both of them inquiring on how she was after they had heard the news. Brittany seemed worried and Quinn seemed to be angry at the man who wanted to air this commercial. She tucked her phone away still not ready to talk to either one of them before she dragged her feet towards her door.

The sound of her descending the stairs broke her parents out of their quarrel and they turned towards her.

"Mija!" Her mother's face lit up and Santana tried in vain not to cringe at that. How could she do this now that her mother seemed to happy to see her? Her father grunted in her direction and headed towards the fridge grabbing a beer from within.

She gritted her teeth and steadied herself, "Mami…Papi…I have something to tell you…"

They both turned their attention to her. The elder Latina with concerned etched on her face and her father with a look that suggested he was bored already. Ignoring her father's reaction she plowed on.

"There's something you need to know about me…and you need to hear it from me before you hear it from someone else…" She trailed off and took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves.

_Like a band aid Santana. Just like a band aid. Rip that fucker off._

"Ay mija, are you pregnant?!"

Her mother's eyes bugged comically, and if it were any other situation Santana would have laughed. But today, and in this hour, she could only shake her head.

"Then what is it baby?"

Her mother asked, and Santana didn't know if she could go through with this if her mother kept calling her pet names.

"I like…girls…the way I should like boys…" She paused momentarily as if waiting for a reaction but all she got was blank stares from her mother and the same look of disinterest in her father's eyes.

"Mami…please say something."

She then watched as her mother's face flooded with emotion. Confusion. Realization. Sadness. And then what she feared. Anger.

The older Latina looked up at her with a dark face of contempt.

"I want you to get out of my house."

Santana blanched.

"Mami…" The young cheerleader hated the way her voice quivered pathetically.

"No. As of now I no longer have a daughter." Her mother's voice was firm.

"No…no…please Mami. Por favor mami no." The tears were quick to make their return and she looked desperately to her father for help. But he now wore a look that translated to, "this does not concern me." And went back to sipping his beer like her mother was sending bible thumpers away at the door. Her mother was moving now towards the stairs and Santana followed desperately. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. There was supposed to be disappointment and sadness but they were going to work through it like a family. She followed behind the woman trying and pleading her way up the stairs until her mom walked into her room. And she knew what was going to happen. The tears came now faster than ever.

Her mom was reaching to her tattered Cheerios duffel bag they used for away games.

"Mami! No! Mami! Please. It's still me. I'm Santana. I'm still the same girl. Por favor." The last word escaped like a whimper.

Her mom was already throwing random articles of clothing into the bag not even caring what she was throwing in the bag just as long as she was emptying the contents of Santana's closet.

"Mom…please don't do this…"

Her mom didn't even turn to acknowledge her as she brushed pass the younger girl back down the stairs throwing the front door open and tossing her bag out on to their lawn. She left the door open but jabbed a finger pointedly at the door.

"Get out."

"Mami…please…" The brunette felt her knees buckling and she wanted slid down against the door sobs wracking through her body.

Santana looked up at her father who was now sitting by the television already watching soccer with a second beer.

"Papi…help me." He looked over her and sighed rolling his eyes.

Her body was shaking uncontrollably from the sobs, and as he stood up and straightened his back she allowed an inkling of hope to spark within her. He approached her and without saying a word bent down and set his hands firmly on her upper arm pulling her up. She allowed him to wanting to fall into his chest and let him hold her. But before she could he pushed her harshly out the opened door his face not even changing before the front door slammed in her shocked and broken face.

The spark of hope she felt earlier made the pains in her chest worse than before and she crumbled against the closed door rocking herself against it.

"Please! Let me back in. I'm sorry! Lo siento! Mami?"

She cried desperately but nothing came from the other side. She finally felt herself calming and she hiccupped against the door still rocking herself. She looked to see her neighbors car pulling up from work. Not wanting to be caught crying against her front door she stumbled to the carelessly packed duffel back and throwing it over her shoulder.

She looked around helplessly and with a sigh of defeat she headed towards her abuela's house. She knew she could count on the older woman and she wiped her nose on her sleeve walking hastily towards her grandmother's house.

She arrived 10 minutes later and knocked on the door harshly. Knowing how close she was to the comforting arms of her abuela she felt the tears prickling at her eyes again. The door swung open to show the oldest Lopez woman with a phone clutched in her hand.

"Abuela…" her voice came out broken. She couldn't wait for the woman's comforting arms to surround her. She just wanted someone to hold her and show her they loved her.

Her grandmother fixed her with a dark knowing look and the younger Latina deflated visibly. She still shook her head in disbelief nonetheless. This was her family. They had been with her. This was her abuela. She was her nina pequina. Her Santanita. Her little senorita. Just last week her grandmother was doting on how beautiful she had gotten. They had shared one of her abuela's world famous cakes and she had made Santana tea just the way she liked it. The same way how last week her mom had taken her to the mall to spoil her with some new clothes. How was it that in one day she basically became an orphan.

"Abuelita…por favor, no."

Her grandmother shook her head at her in disdain.

"How could you be so selfish and do this to your mother. I thought I taught you better than that."

And with that verbal sting still in the air she slammed the door in the Latina's face.

_The next day…_

_Quinn_

Quinn had texted Santana a fifth time, her friend hadn't responded to any of her texts from yesterday. And hadn't replied to any of her texts this morning. If she didn't get her ass out of her house soon they would be late for school. Sighing in defeat she pulled away towards McKinley, she usually would pick up Britt as well but the blonde had texted her last night letting her know that her mom would drop her off today before a meeting with their math teacher about Brittany's grades. She pulled into the parking lot and was met by the group of Cheerios that liked to follow the Unholy Trinity around. Except they seemed short a girl today. Brittany ran straight towards her and frowned at the lack of Santana.

"Where's San?" Her eyebrows knit together.

"I don't know, she didn't come out of the house today when I went by."

School went by without a hitch and the two blondes of the incomplete Unholy Trinity waited for their beloved brunette to show up. But it by the time Glee rolled around it seemed obvious Santana may have just taken an emotional day from school. Brittany had asked Quinn if she could drop her off at the Latina's house after Glee. Brittany had failed her drivers test when she started driving across front yards in a near fatal chase for the end of a rainbow to find the gold left by the forgetful leprechaun.

_Sue_

How dare he? As if it wasn't bad enough that he called himself Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar. But to think he had it in him to beat a proven champion. And worst of all to attack one of her Cheerios so publicly. She would not tolerate it. That would simply not fly with Sue Sylvester. She failed at protecting a student once, and she would not allow it to happen again.

"Becky!"

The young Cheerio walked into the office. "Yes Coach?"

"Becky, I want you to grab the camera, I have a public statement to make as a runner in Congress."

The young girl walked hastily to retrieve the camera. If she pulled out of the race in time, she just might be able to stop the commercial from running.

Nobody messed with her girls.

_Brittany_

Quinn pulled the car to a still in front of Santana's house.

"Thanks Quinnie. I'll just walk home afterwards. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah, and tell Santana…" the head Cheerio hesitated battling between her pride and showing her Latina friend she cared. But she crumbled, "Tell her I hope she's okay."

Brittany nodded before she grabbed her bag and left. As she walked up the steps she heard Quinn's car pull away.

She knocked tentatively not sure what to steel herself for. A hysterical Santana? An upset Mrs. Lopez? The door opened and it showed a stone faced Mariana Lopez.

"Hi Mrs. Lopez."

"Brittany, how are you?" A small smile broke the stoney expression.

The blonde nodded, "I'm doing good, is uh-is Santana here?"

And just like that the smile was gone.

"I don't have a daughter." She looked down at the blonde still standing on her porch with a confused expression.

"Yes you do…she's ye tall, brown hair, brown eyes, answers to Santana."

The older Latina woman looked at Brittany who seemed to think that in all honesty that she could have actually managed to forget she had a child.

"She doesn't live here anymore."

With that she closed the door in the face of the confused frowning face of the blonde.

Brittany resisted the urge to knock again but instead settled for going to the next location to find Santana. She would run across all of Lima to find where her brunette was. She jogged towards Santana's grandmother's house. She had visited it whens he went with Santana for a family reunion. She had gone as her friend of course. She saw the house come into view and did the same. She knocked politely but urgently. The older woman answered the door and looked a little surprised to see the blonde but understanding washed over her face and she had the decency to look sorry. She frowned a little, she always had a soft spot for the blonde her granddaughter seemed to have tag-a-long everywhere.

She simply shook her head before gently closing the door.

Brittany frowned. If Santana wasn't with her parents, and wasn't with her grandmother, and wasn't with her. Where was she? No one at Glee had seen her either and she didn't understand. She thought about the park she and Santana used to go to all the time. The Latina would always appease her and spend hours by the pond feeding the ducks with her. She took off for the park not really caring that it was further away and she should probably have called Quinn for a ride. But she just wanted to find Santana and hug her.

It took 20 minutes for her to get there but she liked the burning in her legs from the jog. Even if she couldn't find Santana the burning in her muscles showed for her effort. Except, she saw no Santana. She saw a few seniors meandering about the park, she saw a young toddler feeding the ducks with his mother watching. She saw a few people walking their dogs. Where was her Sannie?

Pulling her phone out she sent out a text to Quinn.

_Q I can't find her. Where is she?_

The next year flew by in a torrent of drama and heartache for many of the glee members. Despite the fact that a minor had gone missing, the Lopez's adamantly refused to report it to the police or cooperate them when the Glee members went to them with their concerns on the missing Latina. Within the next few days Sue released a commercial to the public directed at her opponent Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar.

_Sue_

_She was seated at her desk in her office with the Cheerios paraphernalia littered in the background. Becky was holding the camera recording for her. She sat back and pulled her glasses off fixing the lens with an icy glare._

"_Hello Ohio, my name is Sue Sylvester and I'm running to represent the state of Ohio in congress. I'm sure you are all aware of my campaign against the arts. I am here today to officially resign from running. My actions in this campaign have hurt a student of mine very near and dear to my heart. And I must take responsibilities for my actions. As for you Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar. How dare you? How dare you drag an innocent child's personal life into your public campaign just in an attempt to dismantle me? How dare you try use personal details of a young teenagers life in your campaign? Ohio, here's a little tip. Don't vote for a man who builds a campaign on something heard in the halls of a high school where rumors fly around like STDs in an Amsterdam red light district whorehouse. Not only did you take a high school snippet of gossip to steer your campaign, you did not even to think about the child you could affect drastically. With that Ohio, I resign from the race."_

The video had spread like rapid wild fire. Sue brought a few slots in the television times, but it had even gone viral flooding the internet. And suddenly all eyes were on Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar. His numbers dropped slightly. But the worst backlash was his own fault. Despite Sue's resignation from the race, he was angered by the video she made calling him out. He released his commercial he had originally made. With that Ohio voters understood what kind of man Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar was. He was exactly what Sue Sylvester had called him out to be. And now that they understood what personal information he had released, and once they learned of the sudden disappearance on the student in the commercial, his numbers plummeted. He was under public fire. Some people, mostly homophobic bigots, stuck by him. But many just couldn't get past the fact that he did indeed drag an innocent high school student into the mess of a political fight. He stuck to it, trying to rebuild his image as a family man but everyone knew it was a pointless fight. Burt Hummel was ahead of him by nearly 50%.

There was still no word on Santana and the Glee club had fallen into a bit of a funk. Quinn and Brittany at the center. No one liked the sadness on Brittany. She was always the picture of happiness. Her vivid smiles didn't reach her eyes anymore. She spoke less than before and retreated into herself. The Glee club members took it upon themselves to do what Santana did best protecting Brittany from bullying, Quinn especially. They all dealt with bullying, but Brittany's childlike innocence meant it was hard for her to fight back or understand why people said those mean things to her. It was easy for all of the other members to brush off the bullying, but Brittany took it to heart. Her record 0.02 GPA dropped to a 0.00 when she started believing what people told her. Maybe she was stupid. And by the end of the semester they realized she was not going to be graduate high school with some of the other members of her class.

_Quinn_

Quinn had snapped. Her patience with the Lopez's was like a string. And with every horrible repercussion of losing her best friend that string pulled tighter and tighter until it snapped. She had been sitting on Brittany's bed cradling her blonde friend's head in her arms as she cried desperately.

"I don't understand Quinnie. I can't breathe without her, it's like I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe, everyone else can breathe." The blue eyed girl sobbed into Quinn's chest as the head cheerleader rocked her trying to help but not knowing for the life of her how.

"Oh honey, its because you loved her with everything you are."

The blonde she was cradling hyperventilated a little.

"She took all the air with her Quinnie. Where is she? Why won't anyone look for her? I just want my air back. I want to breathe again."

The Cheerio felt her hazel eyes fill with tears but inside she felt it. The string snapped at seeing sweet Brittany so broken up. She didn't hold Santana responsible. Brittany had told her confused as ever at Mrs. Lopez's statement that she no longer had a daughter. Brittany didn't grasp the concept of the situation, but Quinn knew. Santana had come out to her parents and they had kicked her out. After the blond had finally managed to hiccup herself to sleep she slowly detangled herself and grabbed her car keys heading towards the Lopez's house. She pulled up ready to give them a piece of her mind only to find herself shell shocked and left sitting in her car staring disbelievingly at the front yard. She had been in that house countless times, hell she remembered practicing Cheerio routines with Santana on this very front yard. The very same front yard which currently had a "for sale" sign planted firmly in the dirt.

Quinn growled. Figures the second the commercial aired through all of Ohio, Santana's parents would pick up and move. She eyed the trash cans sitting on the curb awaiting pick up the next morning and saw something that was peaking out from the lid that caught her eye. Peaking from the top was a little white teddy bear holding a silk red heart, Brittany given it to Santana Valentine's Day. She got out of her car jogging to the trash can and flipped open the lip. The contents were filled to the brim with pieces of her best friend's old bedroom. Her blood boiled dangerously. Popping the trunk the cheerleader began to pack certain things into her car. She didn't notice the tears running down her cheeks until they trickled on some of Santana's posters she was loading in her car. She swiped furiously at them with her sleeve before she found Scruffus. A small tatter dog stuffed animal that Santana had since she was in the 2nd grade. She never admitted to it, but she also never let anyone but Brittany touch it. She petted the doll gently before opening the passenger seat and putting it gently on the seat. It took her 15 minutes to get select items in her car. She had to desperately try to not put everything from her friend's room into her car. This was how that hoarders shit happened. Not even bothering to pick up the overturned trashcan she retreated to her car to head back to Brittany's house to the slumbering girl. Maybe these things would help her blonde friend.

She walked back into the house to find Brittany still restlessly sleeping on her bed. The blonde girl awoke joltingly from her nap and looked at Quinn blearily before a desperate name left her lips.

"Santana?"

It broke Quinn's heart a bit more. Hearing the desperate plea for the girl she loved and the weakness behind it. And she felt like she had to apologize for not being the Latina. But what killed her most was the hope behind the girl's voice. And she wished like hell that Brittan wouldn't wake up everyday with that same desperate hope.

"Sorry Britt-Britt, just me. But I went by her house…they're gone." She sidestepped names like it was going to lessen the blow. But the blonde sitting in her bed knew just as much as she did that it meant their last connection to the fiery Latina was gone. And much like their friend, they had no idea where to find them.

"But I found some of her things. Look B, it's Scruffus."

Quinn pulled the tattered white dog with a big dopey nose from behind her back holding him so it looked like he was waving at the blonde with his paws. And that was the biggest smile she had seen on Brittany's face in months. It still didn't reach her eyes like her smiles used to. But it was progress.

Brittany reached out like an eager child on Christmas Day for the doll and brought it snuggly to her chest. There was a moment of shared silence as they both thought back to their missing friend.

"You know…when I met Sannie in 3rd grade. She never spent a night away from him. And this one day a boy pulled my pig tails on the playground and pushed me in the sand box. And I was crying. Santana brought me to her house and told me to take Scruffus home for the night and that we could share him like divorced parents, but we wouldn't be divorced."

Quinn giggled at the story. She loved hearing stories from Santana's childhood years. She had met the Latina during middle school when they were both well on the way to becoming HBICs and they butted heads all the time. But Brittany was a solid reminder of Santana's soft side.

She spent the next hour brining up things to Brittany and they sat on the bed determining what things the blue-eyed girl wanted to keep. And that was everything. Quinn at picked through Santana's possessions carefully. To everyone else at McKinley, the Latina did not seem like the sentimental type. But Quinn had found a small box filled with all the letters traded between Santana and her and Brittany. They dated back to cheer camp, some of them were long notes filled with gossip about other girls at camp. Other long notes were Brittany reminding her of how much she loved her. She found the birthday card she had given Santana when they were freshmen at McKinley. She even took care to keep the small slips of paper that Brittan gave her during class, one of which that simply said, "Can we feed the ducks afterschool today?" Brittany had sniffled as she looked through everything Santana kept. Brittany chose certain posters to put up on her wall that had belonged to Santana. Quinn watched as Brittany scrolled through Santana's i-pod with a serious look on her face and she looked intently at her blonde friend. She made a promise.

"We'll find her."


	2. Chapter 2

**A year later**

_Rachel_

Rachel scoffed as another New Yorker shoved past her during their morning commute to work. She pushed past the crowd trying to get through the crowd. She needed to get to class. She had tried to leave an hour early to make sure she showed up on time, she really didn't want to be pinned as "the girl who's always late" just because she lived too far away. Kurt had lucked out on his semester schedule and managed to get a 10:30 class. She on the other hand had an 8:30. She checked her phone for the time thankful that the train actually came on time today. But she grinned realizing she had 20 minutes before class and made a pit stop at a coffee shop.

_3 hours later…_

Rachel sighed as she began the battle home fighting past pedestrians to get to the subway before she felt her phone buzz. She held it up reading the message from her favorite gay and beloved roommate.

_Don't forget to pick up some tampons, our periods are coming soon._

She giggled as she fired off a quick reply. How the boy seemed to know more about her menstruation cycle was a mystery to her. But she knew they had to brace themselves for a rough few days. When Rachel Berry PMS'd she PMS'd hard. And when Rachel Berry was PMSing, so was Kurt Hummel. The two drama queens would let the level of drama skyrocket in their apartment these few days. It was like a soap opera full of tears, and joy, and fights. She slipped into a nearby convenient store and browsed for what she needed. She had just picked up her box of tampons when she heard a familiar voice. A voice she didn't think she would ever hear again, and in New York of all places. A voice she and her fellow Glee club members had given up on ever hearing again.

"Look pea-brain, why don't you just reach other behind you with those stubby nubs you like to call fingers and bring me that shiny green packet with the nice animal with humps on it. B'cause I wants my smokes and I wants my smokes now."

The tiny diva couldn't help but let the small gasp slip by her lips. She snuck around the corner of her aisle. She knew that voice, she knew that insulting tone, and those words. She peeked around and before her was indeed Santana. Santana Lopez, the girl that had gone missing their senior year after a commercial aired outing her to all of Ohio. The uncertainty of her location had almost killed Brittany. Almost all of the Glee club member had given up hope and feared her dead. She thought back to the heartbreaking speech Brittany had given.

_Flashback…_

"She could be dead…" Puck mumbled quietly to himself. Like many of their Glee meetings, they had ended up on the topic of where Santana had gone. Where her parents had gone. He looked down at his hands numbly before standing up.

"I gotta…piss." He walked towards the door, and despite his attempts to maintain his badass reputation, many of his fellow Glee members saw the tears shining in his eyes. He hustled out of the room and no one stopped him.

The room had been plunged into silence by his words. They had all been holding out hope, but the first one of them to lose hope and verbalize their fears had them all uncertain. Mike looked upset and stared at the ground, Tina was trying but failing to hold back her tears, Mr. Shue looked defeated, and Finn stared blankly in front of him. Then a small voice broke the silence.

"She's not dead…" Brittany's sentence sounded so sure everyone looked to her like she was the answer to their questions.

"She's not dead. Sannie isn't dead. I would feel it if she were. I…think." She wavered, the words of her bullies making her doubt herself. She heard them echoing in her head.

_Stupid. Dumb blonde. Useless. Clueless._

She shook her head as if to clear it, "I know people don't think I know anything. But I know one thing. If someone gave me a test on Santana I would get an A+ and one of those shiny stickers. I know her better than Mike knows Chemistry. Than Artie knows calculus. I know her better than Rachel knows Broadway shows. I do. I'm smarter than all of you here. If she was dead…I would know. I can feel her inside me. Which doesn't make sense. She's not inside me, because that would mean I'm a robot being controlled by her. But I still feel her inside me. And I know that if she were dead I would feel empty. Like my organs fell out of my tummy. She can't be dead. I can feel her, I just can't find her…"

She quieted as the heavy silence draped over the choir room again.

_Present day…_

Rachel found herself nearing the Latina. The cashier behind the counter stared at her blankly.

"I need I.D."

The Latina slapped something down on the counter.

"This is an expired learner's permit. I can't take this."

"I'm over 18 chubs. I may not look like you, thank god, but I'm 18." She crossed her arms cocking her head. And if she didn't look so pale, and malnourished she would be the shining picture of the HBIC Rachel knew from high school.

"S-Santana?" Rachel squeaked out, as if maybe the girl would turn around and turn out to only be a young looking Latina that reminded her of her long lost friend.

But at the tense shoulder and bugged eyes of the Latina standing at the counter she knew without a doubt. She had found Santana Lopez. Santana Lopez who had been missing for a year, Santana Lopez who had been carelessly ripped from her life. She found her.

Upon realizing Rachel had found her the small diva frowned a little at the sudden flash of fear showing on the taller girl's face. Shock, realization, fear. She couldn't remember ever seeing fear play on her face. She didn't even know Santana was capable of feeling fear.

"Rachel…" Santana seemed to immediately find something on the floor interesting.

"Oh my God…it's you. You're…you're in New York. You're…alive!"

_I have to tell Brittany! I need to call Quinn. Hug her! _

Rachel strode up to the Latina and saw uncertainty in the Latina's eyes.

"I'm going to hug you now…really hard. And for a really long time."

Giving her usual warning the short diva wrapped the Latina tightly in her arms and held her. She was holding, physically holding Santana Lopez. She couldn't be imagining this. She felt the Latina stiffen before melting slightly into the embrace. And in a back of her mind Rachel realized Santana had called her by her name. Not Berry. Not Hobbit. But she would save that little victory dance for later.

Remembering what she was here for Rachel looked up at the befuddled cashier. She put her items on the counter and slapped her I.D. on the counter.

"And the cigarettes she was asking for."

She needed to get Santana back to Kurt. They could call Quinn. They would tell Brittany. They could tell the Glee clubbers.

She paid for the products to a surprisingly silent Latina who seemed to be at war in her head. She ushered the quiet Latina out of the store from the prying eyes of curious customers wanting to find out what this reunion was all about. When they were back out of the sidewalk she handed the pack of cigarettes to Santana.

"You're coming with me." She made to move to grab Santana's hand from the girl pulled back.

"Wait…Rach. I can't."

I unused nickname caught the diva's attention. When did Santana ever call her that?

"Santana. She looked now noticing the girl was shivering in the fall weather of New York in nothing but her jeans and plain white v-neck t-shirt.

"Santana. I just want to take you to show you my place. You look cold. Just sit down with me. Have a cup of tea with me. I-I've missed you. Please?"

She saw the uncertainty in the taller girl's eyes, until she said please. That seemed to set chain reaction in the girl's mind.

_Santana_

She needed to get away from Rachel. This wasn't supposed to happen. She didn't want anyone to know what she had become since leaving Lima. She was supposed to find success. She was supposed to come back with a force of Poseidon himself. She was going to storm back, sweep Brittany into her arms, and show her parents up for ever leaving her. She wasn't ready yet. Rachel was asking her to go back to her place with her. That was too close for comfort. Her pride could only take so much bashing, and she knew she wasn't anywhere near the proud rumbustious girl she used to be right now. But then the small dive uttered a single word.

Please. The very same word she had desperately cried out to her parents as a last resort. She had begged them with the very same word and they had slammed the door in her face. She knew what it felt like to have your please ignored and denied. She nodded her head in a barely visible manner. She allowed Rachel to link hands with her. The tiny brunette gasped at her ice cold hand. She was always cold these days. They headed into the underground subway and Santana took a little comfort in the slight warmth underground. Despite the smell of urine heavy in the air. Rachel was not rubbing her hand between her two warm ones. The dive dropped her hand momentarily to purchase a ticket for her before picking up her other hand and repeating the process of warming her up. She kept her eyes trained on her tattered shoes not wanting to look into the diva's eyes.

_How the mighty have fallen._

She couldn't let the smaller girl see the pain behind her eyes. If she had any strength left she would build up her walls. But she had found that ability was torn from her. After her walls had been torn down repeatedly she grew tired of the process. She simply settled for numb catatonic states now. It helped her deal. That and the drugs Brant supplied her with.

_Shit…Brant._

She thought about how long she could get away with not reporting to him before he noticed. Before he sent someone to find her. Before he determined just how harsh the punishment for leaving without a word would be. She unconsciously winced and accidently tightened her grip on Rachel's hand at the members. At the diva's questioning look she just shook her head and returned her attention to her feet.

She watched at Rachel pulled out a phone and typed out a quick text.

_Rachel_

She had absolutely no idea what to do. Wasn't this the part where Santana pulls her hand away and releases verbal warfare at her? Wasn't this the part where Santana starts talking about going all Lima Heights on her? But she wasn't. Instead the girl with the shell of the girl she knew in high school sat silently beside her and let her hold her hand. She felt a sharp tug on her hand and saw as Santana's face pulled into a wince. She turned towards her worried. But the taller girl just shook her head and went back to staring at her feet.

_What happened..._

Rachel didn't even know how to finish her question in her head. What happened to what? What happened to Santana? What happened to her that made her change? What…what happened. She just wanted to know. But she wasn't about to push Santana. She had seen the hesitation earlier and wasn't about to push her luck when she got the Latina to follow her.

Realizing Kurt would have an aneurysm if she just showed up with their missing friend in tow she pulled out her phone and sent him a text to warn him.

_Don't be shocked when I get home. …I found her._

The train pulled to her stop and she tugged gently at the Latina's hand standing up. Santana allowed her to lead her. She was like a young child blindly following her parents. And again the question tugged at Rachel's mind.

_What happened…_

The Santana she knew never followed anyone. She wanted to lead. And if anyone stood in her way she would burn down a path with her vicious words. It was a 15 minute walk from the subway station to her and Kurt's apartment. Santana was shaking a little bit now. And Rachel couldn't tell if it was from the cold or something else.

The Latina reached into her jeans pulling out the cigarettes that Rachel had just purchased for her. She pulled on out placing it between her lips before lighting it. But Rachel noticed it did calm her nerves considerably. Her shaking dyed down and she walked silently next to the Latina. They walked, and the Latina finished her cigarette. They walked until she gently pulled at the Latina's arms towards her building. She barely had her key in the door when their loft door was swung open with a force she didn't know Kurt even possessed. His eyes were wild. He looked at Santana, his eyes running down her body as if he wasn't sure if she was really there. Then in one fell swoop her had her in his arms too.

Much like when Rachel had hugged her earlier, the Latina's first reaction was to stiffen up before relaxing slightly into the hug.

"Santana. I'm so glad you're alive. We were all so worried. Oh my god."

He held on to her tightly before finally stepping back. Santana looked back at them. There was recognition in her eyes. But no expression, no words. She nodded in acknowledgement but stood stark still.

"Come inside." He pulled her gently into their heated house.

_Santana_

Figures that Berry and Lady Hummel ended up living together in New York. A part of my mind did want to yell at Rachel for not warning her that there was another member of her Glee club she had to prepare to see. But she couldn't bring herself too. Amongst all of her warring emotions, from shock to anger to sadness to embarrassment. There was relief. Relief to be held so caringly, relief to see familiar faces.

She let herself be seated on a couch and took in the warmth of the apartment. It felt more like home than where she was actually staying. Where she was forced to call her home. It was cozy, it was warm, there were blankets, and pillows. There was decoration. And she felt safe. She knew she should be worried. But she allowed herself a moment of relief and reveled in the feeling of feeling safe.

She noticed Rachel puttering around the kitchen boiling water with three mugs set out with teabags. Then Kurt was sitting next to her and taking her now only some what cold hands in his. She looked down. This boy moisturized like crazy. She missed the feeling of soft hands on her sometimes. Her brain nagged at her to be on high alert and not get to comfortable. But she fought against it. Didn't she deserve this? Didn't she deserve to feel safe? To let herself enjoy soft skin on hers? Even just for a few minutes?

_Kurt_

Kurt noticed Santana staring down at where he had her hands held between two of his. She hadn't spoken. She was skinnier, her eye socket were more sunken in, she was paler. But this was definitely Santana. A part of him was scared that he was touching the Latina. If he held her hand this intimately in high school he could imagine her raining down harsh words against him before snatching her hadn away. But this Santana sat there quietly staring at his hands holding hers like it was baby Jesus himself.

"Santana?" he prodded lightly.

She looked up at him. She didn't seem as skittish as she had earlier, but there was definitely hesitation in her eyes.

"How…" he paused. Asking her how she had been was a stupid question. If her demeanor and body didn't tell him already. Santana Lopez was not okay. He paused thinking what was the best question to ask.

"Where have you been?" He paused not sure if he had picked the right question. He wanted to hear what had happened. But he knew better than to outright ask her.

She shook her head as a negative. Not really knowing what she meant, but knowing she didn't want to answer he changed tactics.

"Santana. Whatever happened, you need to know. We all were so worried. Brittany was so worried. We're here for you. Whatever you need. You can stay here." He ducked his head down in attempts to make eye contact with the girl. She didn't move her hand from his. And from the corner of his eye he saw Rachel gently placing two cups of tea in front of them before sitting on the other side of Santana. The Latina nodded then shook her head. He could only assume she meant she acknowledge they had worried and was grateful, but was not going to stay with them.

"Have some tea." He said gently against gently releasing her hand and she turned to her cup picking it up. He saw her rubbing the cup trying to take in as much warmth as she could before taking a sip and shuddering as the warm liquid worked it's magic. He held his cup and looked over at Rachel. She looked back at him helplessly and leaned towards the Latina.

"Is-is there anyone you want us to call?"

_Santana_

She already missed it. Having caring arms around her. She knew who's arms she wanted around her most. But since the night she had cried out and wanted nothing more than a caring pair of arms to hold her, she hadn't had it. She actually couldn't remember the last time she was in the arms of someone that loved her. And she wanted them to hug her again. She felt her pride tug at her again and suppressed the urge to fling herself into their arms and cry.

She heard Rachel's question. Was there anyone she wanted them to call… She thought back. Her parents hadn't wanted her. She was not ready to see anyone else from Lima, Ohio. No matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't bring herself to. No one could know. She had allowed herself a moment of weakness and she was now sitting in an apartment desperately trying to shield herself form shame. No…there was no one they could call. They physically could not call them, because she physically could not see anyone she wanted to. She couldn't bring herself to face Brittany, her parents wouldn't care to comfort her. She shook her head but felt her lips tug tightly and her throat close tightly as tears made their way into her eyes.

_Damn it Lopez, keep it together. _Her pride yelled at her.

She quickly took a sip of tea to quell the upcoming tears.

_Rachel_

Kurt and I both saw it. The small tug of her lip, the way she swallowed thickly, and the tears shining in her eyes. We were drama queens, we always let our crying turn into wailing sobs. But we knew better than anyone what it looked like to hold back tears. But we both pretended not to. I furrowed by brow. She needed to see people. There were people worried sick about her. And I mean actually worried sick. She remembered the day Brittany got physically ill from her worry. It was a few weeks after Santana's disappearance.

_Flashback…_

They were at Glee trying to figure out how to find the Latina. Brittany turned to Quinn and muttered quietly, "I don't feel good."

Quinn had rubbed the blonde's back soothingly, "I know B…"

Brittany hadn't been sobbing all day, but she always had tears in her eyes now. Sometimes she broke down and they spilled out, sometimes she managed to hold them back and walked around with watery eyes.

"No Quinnie…the air is all gone again. I miss her so much it's like my insides are squeezing."

Those around Brittany and Quinn tried to pretend not to hear the heartbreaking statement to let the blonde's grieve. But suddenly Brittany was on her feet and bent at the knee by the small waste basket at the corner of the choir room throwing up. Quinn was at her side in seconds and everyone had tears on their faces at the emotional display.

The blue eyed blonde had given up on holding back her tears. She finished emptying the contents of her stomach and was now crying over the waste basket. Quinn with silent tears rolling down her face tried to soothe her with a voice breaking with emotion.

"Brittany, it's okay. We'll find her. She's okay. You know that deep inside." Quinn shuddered letting an unusual sob tear from her throat. The head cheerleader tried so hard to be composed it broke everyone's heart more just to see her lose control.

"I know deep inside too. She's okay, we'll find her. Okay?" Brittany nodded blindly through her tears. Mr. Shue stood against the piano, knowing interfering would do more damage than good. He looked at his other Glee kids and saw they were all staring at the two blondes with tears staining their faces. It was like a bad car crash, they couldn't look away even though they desperately wanted to give the two their privacy. But they couldn't. And even the strongest of the group were breaking down. Puck sat in the back stone faced as ever, looking almost angry. Before the teacher realized Puck was angry at the tears rolling down his face as he swiped fiercely at his face with his sleeve.

_Present day…_

_Kurt_

He watched Rachel. She was somewhere else. He knew where. She was back at the choir room. Remembering one of the many days they were thrown into emotional turmoil. He made a decision. Whatever happened to Santana was clearly too hard for her to talk about. He was not going to push, pushing for information from someone never ended well. And seeing as this was Santana Lopez, he could easily be castrated if he made the wrong move. But he will be damned if he let her suffer through this alone. He knew without a shadow of a doubt Rachel and him would be here for Santana. But he knew what the Latina needed.

"We need to call Brittany."

Rachel shot him a wild scolding look. But he cared about the Latina, more than he cared to let on. Mostly because she spent the beginning of her high school career lashing words at him. But he cared about her, and the Glee club was family. He was not going to let her deal with this by avoiding. And if he had to gamble his castration and inability to continue the Hummel line, then so be it.

Santana's head shot up and she looked at him desperately and he felt his heart break.

"Please…don't. Not yet. She-she can't know." The Latina's pleas when from loud and startled to a whispered whimper.

_What can't she know…_ He wanted to desperately ask. But that was pushing her to tell him something she didn't even want to tell the one person the girl in front of him loved more than anyone.

The Latina had taken to staring at her cup of tea and chanting quietly under her breath, "Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat the shattered pieces of his friend.

"Okay. Santana. We won't call her. But, if we don't call her. We call Quinn. Santana. We love you. And we want to help. Those are you two options."

He paused letting his words settle in.

_Santana_

Santana stared at her hands surround her cup of tea intently. She weighed her options. She wanted more than anything to see her blue eyed blonde beauty. The girl that had kept her will to live alive. The girl that had invaded her dreams and made sleep feel like the best possible escape. But she couldn't. Brittany couldn't know. She wanted to see her and she feared it. What if Brittany rejected her after finding out what she had become? What if Brittany turned her away like her parents did? Santana had found unconditional love to be a mere concept of imagination after her parents had kicked her out. Wasn't the best unconditional love supposed to come from your parents? If she couldn't even get that, what in the hell was wrong with her? Brittany would leave her.

If she couldn't see Brittany ever again, she would prefer to be remembered as the strong headed Latina that protected her during their time at McKinley. Not…this…

Quinn. She did miss her friend. And she made her decision. If one person could take the truth like a champ, it was the only other girl at McKinley High that could match her bitch slap for bitch slap. The only other girl that could keep up with her HBIC action. And Quinn judged her enough when she was HBIC at her best. It was a strange dynamic for a friendship. The judgment they rained on each other spurred them into a competitive friendship. And despite all of the rude judgment calls she and Quinn had made at each other. Their friendship still blossomed. Who ever thought two HBICs could get along. It was like two male lions being best friends on the same pride and not killing each other. If someone were to find out about the shit she managed to get herself in, it would be queen bee Quinn Fabray.

She looked up almost thankful that Kurt had made her choose.

"You can call Quinn." She whispered quietly on maintain eye contact for a few seconds before returning her interest to her cup of tea.

"Okay." She heard Kurt's approval. And she hated that she ate up approval now. After her parent's rejection, she started eating up praise and approval like it was her sole source of food. She just wanted someone to tell her she was doing something well. That she did something right. Because as far as her life goes, she had done everything wrong.

She looked up at the clock and noticed the time. She was beyond late for her usual check in time with Brant.

_Fuck. She knew she couldn't stay here though. Could she?_

She toyed with the idea. But scared herself into the possibility of running into Brant the next day and him raining hell fire on her. It was better to be a few hours late than being a day late.

"I have to go." She hated that every time she spoke it came out in a whisper. What happened to that loud confident voice she had?

She gently placed her cup on the coffee table and made to get up but Rachel and Kurt stood up just as quickly as she did, shooting up.

"Wait you can't go Santana. Where are you even going?"

She tried to keep her eyes downcast knowing that if she looked into their eyes they would see the panic and pain.

"I need to get back to someone." A part of her mind kicked at her desperately. What was she doing? A year ago they would have parted like the red sea for her if she demanded it. They blocked her path with worried looks but they didn't know that they were doing more damage than good for her now.

"How will we find you again Santana? Where are you living?" Kurt asked her and she paused. Where she lived he didn't want to go. But he pushed again.

"Santana, if I call Quinn, I need to be able to find you again. Do you know what she would do if I told her we found you but lost you again?"

If she was capable of it, she would have smirked at the idea of what Quinn would do to the boy if that did happen. But she had numbed herself to emotions for far too long to let it show.

"I-I hang around Central Park to clear my head sometimes." She refused to allow anyone come anywhere near where she lived. It would bring them nothing but trouble.

Rachel looked at her incredulously before speaking, "Central Park? Santana. How would we even know when to go to find you? Don't you have a number?"

The Latina looked down at her hand twisting them in embarrassment. Before shaking her head negative. After being unceremoniously thrown out she hadn't managed to take her charger. And her phone had died after her first few days in New York. She would have bought another charger but Brant controlled her funds. And didn't want her using a phone. And she had learned more than once that trying to go against him was a painful mistake. Still, she had kept her dead phone. It held a piece of her life in Lima, Ohio. She knew if the darkened screen would light up she would be able to read the loving texts between her and Brittany, the quips she and Quinn traded, and the caring texts she knew she still had from her parents. So she had kept it.

Kurt and Rachel traded looks on confusion as if wondering how the hell someone survived without a cellphone. Something so simple and such an integral part of their daily function. They woke up and checked their phones, chatted carelessly on it, texted randomly. Then the short diva pulled a resolved face taking her phone from deep within her pocket and handing it too the Latina.

"Take mine…"

Santana looked up shock written on her face.

"I'll tell my dad's I lost it, and get a new number and a new phone."

Santana was tempted, by God was she tempted to take pleasure in the small hand-held device. But she thought back to Brant and winced a bit.

Rachel spoke up again breaking through her daze, "Look, Santana. I don't know what trouble you're in. But you don't want to talk about it. That's fine. But everyone needs some form of contact. Take it. You can keep it off or on silent or whatever. Just promise to call Kurt's number every two days to let us know you're okay. He's saved as twink twink."

Kurt smiled at the nick-name in his favorite diva's phone book and even Santana's eyes sparkled a bit.

Santana took the device in her hands weighing it in her palm. She was holding a direct connection to everyone she so desperately wanted to see. She could dial Brittany's number and tell her she loved her. She looked back up to connect eyes with Kurt and Rachel feel gratuity flood through her body. But she had honed her emotions so well that nothing showed.

"Thank you Rachel." Her voice was still small, "Promise me you won't call and I promise I'll call every two days."

The two standing across from her nodded.


End file.
